listen

Idk why I ever stopped blogging on this blog this was my outlet my escape from the world and just my time to vent. Okay so im finishing up my internship at teen-vogue and im about to begin interning at marie claire mag my life is going so great.. . on the surface. on the inside i feel so empty and alone. im out here living my dream but i have no one to share it with. i miss my family and friends so much!! ive felt alone before but as of now i feel alone and lost. i want to move back home after graduation because i feel alone but i know thats not whats best for me and my career. i know that working in editorial as far as magazines is in nyc and la only styling which i hate lol but i dont want to stay here if im unhappy. idk i just weird. i feel as though i want a relationship just someone to call my own at times but then i think about what i went through with the heart ache and we all know (if youre a reader of my blog) that i went through a great deal of pain and i dont think i can ever go through that again ever. at times i feel like i was pushing to move to new york so much so that i could escape the pain that i had but i didnt it followed me its still kind of here well not so much pain as loneliness i feel so alone i dont call people my friend its very hard to do that for me my real friends the friends that ive been to hell and back with are my friends and the only ones that get that title. maybe thats why i feel so alone idk whats wrong or how to fix it i just know i have 8 months to figure it out and know if im staying in nyc or not 8 months to fix myself and get back to the happy person i was at the beginning of 2009 i want that happy back. the happy i had before the sad post on this blog ughhhhh its crazy how one person can mess you up for life or at least make a hole in your heart and it seems impossible to fill. okay well bye for now im going to start coming on here again i know i always say that but this is my release i feel a little better after writing all of this down.