oh oh oh and when more then one person tells you something about somebody try to take heed and listen and get out fast loll GOD is good! ;p

happy thanksgiving!

sighhhhhhhhhhhh i feel so good knowing everything and GOD has had a plan for me this whole time and kept me from getting more hurt then i couldve and I THANK GOD for that im so happy right now GOD is so good!

this was truly a bangN ass thanksgiving! :]

Carrie Bradshaw is gonna find love one day! ;]

btw to every person who ive ever said i love you to i probably didnt love you ive only loved one person and thats pancakeface forever idc what anybody says or thinks if i said it to you i didnt mean it but if you did cause me pain and made me feel bad or sad fuck you and thats why its money & fashion over everybody!

but i have this feeling that in the end im going to be okay im kinda ready to say i love you to someone else when i find that person but i just feel so peaceful everything is let go and i feel good all i see is New York and more happy days ahead of me anyway uhhh what else? nothing left to say i guess ill blog when i have a new topic im off this being sad tip it doesnt matter anymore seriously!

lemme just say this after lastnight idc anymore like really im so turned off ugh New York come save me please!

[qbirdsong] you got your wish!

GOD PLEASE!

truth!

They say if you love something, you've got to let it go.

And if it comes back, then it means so much more.

But if it never does, at least you will know,

That it was something you had to go through to grow.

i really want to go!

big sigh

so you keep telling me that I'm human and you understand that I get mad and say stupid stuff in my aways and you don't care what I say you'll still be here and for that I love you even more. I know you probably always think its something w.me but its when people tell me things about their love life then I think about how I never experienced it w.anybody because your the only person I've ever wanted to be in love with. It hurts so badly to know that everything I want to do w.you you spent the last idk year doing it w.someone else and I really sat there thinking that one day that'll be me and I would get my fairytale but as the months grew I started getting very insecure. I thought it was because of the way I looked or because I don't have a car or the way I dress or talk or people I hang out with or even my body. I spent a long time thinking I was ugly and still to this day I don't think I look good enough for you. I've wanted to tell you this for so long but for what? I'm tired of thinking or trying to make something out of nothing I know you said friends first but times up I'm leaving to New York in a while and the way I'm feeling right now I don't ever want to come back. Don't feel bad for anything I'm saying its my fault you didn't make me fall in love w.you it was my choice. It was my fault I realized I was in love w.you when you were on the verge of making something happen w.someone else. I'm thankful that you showed me love you showed me that even though you were w.somebody I still meant something in your life. It may not have been the love that I wanted but it was close enough. I know you say you want me to go out and fall in love but this big ole heart of mime doesn't feel like it use to its filled w.a lot of pain and it hurts still I thought I was over it and you but talking to other people doesn't do anything for me. I may have had sex w.them but I really don't feel anything for them really. Its sad that your all I think about when I wake and go to sleep and throughout the day. I bet you didn't know a lot of this I bet you didn't know how I really felt and that's a little bit my fault since I never wanted to get close to you because I didn't want to bother you and bug you. I would love to talk on the phone w.you like we use to but I know that won't happen. There's just a lot I wish we could've done but will never get to do and when I think about it it breaks my heart a little more because I don't want to go out and start all over w.someone else and fall in love w.them I wanna stay in love w.you but its killing me inside to know that you don't feel the same way, but I guess that's life and I really need to get over it nothings promised and 031408 will forever be nothing more then a strong friendship!

song says it all

Now you can wait your whole life wondering
When it's gonna come or where it's been.
You may have got your heart broken
A few times in the past
Never last strong as it used to,
Don't feel as good as it used to (before)
And all the things you used to say,
Things you used to do, went right out the door

Oh no more, will you be the one
That's what you tell everyone around you
But you know they've heard it all before
What more can you say
When love won't let you, walk away
And you can't help who you love
And you find yourself giving it away
When you think you're in love

[CHORUS:]
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)

Now you can wait your whole life tryna change
What the fear from what it's been
You may have put your whole life into a man
Loving what you thought that could've been.
Don't wanna swing your change
When you don't feel as good as you used to (before)
And everything you used to say,
Everything you used to do clear right out the door

Oh no more, will you be the one
That's what you tell everyone around you
But you know they've heard it all before
What more can you say
When love won't let you, walk away
And it can't help who it loves
And you find yourself giving it away
When you think you're in love

[CHORUS]
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)

Everybody say
I wanna be the one you love
I wanna be (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one you trust
I wanna be (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one you need
I wanna be (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one
I wanna be the one (sent from heaven)

[CHORUS:]
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)
I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)

I wanna be the one who you believe
In your heart is sent from (sent from heaven)
There's a piece of me who leaves when you gone
Because you're sent from (sent from heaven)

SO I'M DONE W.LOVE UNTIL I MOVE TO NEW YORK AND CAN FIND THAT FAIRYTALE LOVE I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!

there comes a time in your life when you outgrow old friends and its for the better. you must surround yourself w. positive people who have good vibes and spirits. i now know this and i have only been around my friend ashley lately. weve always been friends on and off in highschool but have let all the drama go we had between us and it has made our friendship stronger. in the fall of 2010 she will be all i have when we move to New York and start our lifes in the world of fashion for school loll i cant wait!

here are some pictures of me and ashley i found in my camera...
us at work Nordstrom Rac[k]loll


us idk what we were doing but okay?loll ohhh we were going to H&M haha

right now i feel like I'm at a point in my life where i just really don't care about really anything. all i really want to do is get my GE classes out of the way so that next fall i can attend FIT. i have been through so much pain this year it doesn't make any sense. i also realized a lot about myself. i had to realize that its all in me, I'm all that i need and only i can be there for myself. it took me along time to realize that only can make myself happy. i know a lot of people out there want a boyfriend/girlfriend but me for some reason i don't. i get lonely at times but for the most part i feel all i need is myself its been that way for a long time now. i know i should "get out there" and find someone to love me but honestly i don't think i believe in love anymore. i know its sad to hear that come from me since Ive always believed that fairy tales come true but i don't anymore or if i do someone will have to shock me back into believing it. i really think me moving to New York for school will change me. not being around the same people i am now. making it by myself you know? i just wanna get away from everything and everybody and start fresh! i know it sounds like i might be trying to run away but I'm not i just want a new start a new life a new me. theres nothing wrong with change I've changed for the better so me moving to New York will be another transition in my life, a transition that I'm going to make work and make the best of.

today

I decided to start going back to church every sunday, bible study every week all that. Maybe soon I'll get baptized I never have before but right now im not ready to I need to get my life right first! I was happy when the pastors sons wife asked me to help her with the church fashion show she's been wanting to put on for some time now I think that'll look good on my resume for school also. I know me not having a job anymore is bad but everything happens for a reason and I know GOD has my back!

& I THANK GOD!