listen

Idk why I ever stopped blogging on this blog this was my outlet my escape from the world and just my time to vent. Okay so im finishing up my internship at teen-vogue and im about to begin interning at marie claire mag my life is going so great.. . on the surface. on the inside i feel so empty and alone. im out here living my dream but i have no one to share it with. i miss my family and friends so much!! ive felt alone before but as of now i feel alone and lost. i want to move back home after graduation because i feel alone but i know thats not whats best for me and my career. i know that working in editorial as far as magazines is in nyc and la only styling which i hate lol but i dont want to stay here if im unhappy. idk i just weird. i feel as though i want a relationship just someone to call my own at times but then i think about what i went through with the heart ache and we all know (if youre a reader of my blog) that i went through a great deal of pain and i dont think i can ever go through that again ever. at times i feel like i was pushing to move to new york so much so that i could escape the pain that i had but i didnt it followed me its still kind of here well not so much pain as loneliness i feel so alone i dont call people my friend its very hard to do that for me my real friends the friends that ive been to hell and back with are my friends and the only ones that get that title. maybe thats why i feel so alone idk whats wrong or how to fix it i just know i have 8 months to figure it out and know if im staying in nyc or not 8 months to fix myself and get back to the happy person i was at the beginning of 2009 i want that happy back. the happy i had before the sad post on this blog ughhhhh its crazy how one person can mess you up for life or at least make a hole in your heart and it seems impossible to fill. okay well bye for now im going to start coming on here again i know i always say that but this is my release i feel a little better after writing all of this down.

ill let go when you let go

maaaan where do I begin well everything has changed I moved out of the dorms got my own place, got an internship at Lucky magazine finished that now I'm waiting to start Teen-Vogue magazine life is going so good right now I'll be done with school in december thank God! But I still feel as if something is missing. I've been talking to my first love for almost the last year we've talked everything out and I finally got the closure I've been wanting but lol finally I feel good! One thing people don't seem to understand is I'll never let my first love go but I'm not the only one holding on. We exist beyond boyfriends I know that may sound bad but its the truth no one can come between us besides us. so anyway yeah thats my life so far lol I use to love blogging on this blog I need to come back and start updating it more!

some days there's nothing there other days i love you too much :[

hate that i love you

 

it's irrelevant to dwell on the past.. . but its hard not to

black eyed peas

where is the love?


i hate that word but where is it loll i think i deserve some real love right about now come on New York throw me a bone!

back!

so i returned to nyc from home i had a good spring break a week wasn't long enough though i didn't realize how much i missed my family and friends until i got to the airport and said goodbye a part of me didn't want to get on the plane but i did i told myself i had to go back to nyc and make my dreams come true and now im here.


it feels really bittersweet being here but im dealing i like my classes this quarter and teachers, well so far i like everything i really like my schedule though i plan to spend all day tomorrow on doing all my homework for my five classes idk how long thats going to take but i have to do it i have to pass every class so i can graduate soon and start journalism school next year at nyu hopefully"hopefully"!

message in a bottle

"I hope all is well and the good is the forgiven....stay blessed and happy and looking towards a successful future...take Q!"

that is what my first love wrote to me on facebook today after a year of not talking. in my past post you guys know ive talked about my first love all the time & how hurt i was and couldnt let go etc but today when i read that message i felt at peace. i felt myself really letting him go i guess all this time all i needed was closure and i finally got it and i really feel at peace.

now all  have to do is figure out what im going to write back apart of me wants to just let it all out, apart of me just wants to be peaceful back & another part of me wants to just delete the message.. .i know im going to write back but just not yet i dont want to say the wrong thing.

we'll see.. .

be back soon i promise!

New Home

a lot has happened since my last post. a lot has changed. well nothings really changed except that i moved to new york. yes i know i finally made it, its been a long time coming right? all i did was transfer campuses but i still attend the art institute.

life in the city is crazy but it feels like home, already.

hopefully i finish ai in a year and a half then can move on to a school journalism